Home > Uncategorized > Things Music Videos from the 90s taught me

Things Music Videos from the 90s taught me

(Note: I wrote this at midnight, dead tired after a long day and didn’t proof it before I posted it. Feedback about how I screwed up spellings, or context or band names is fine and I’m well aware I suck. I usually do some proofing before I post and I didn’t this time. Corrections are in red.-SP)

Despite saying making lists isn’t as much fun I’m starting to do it again.

  1. Rusty pipes contain meat (Tool – Sober)
  1. If you catch your S.O .cheating get a naval piercing, kick a purse snatcher’s ass and bungee jump off an overpass. You’ll feel better. (Aerosmith – Cryin’)
  1. Right now is harder than it looks. (Van Halen – Right now)
  1. 70s cop shows may go out of vogue but they hardly go out of fashion (Beastie Boys – Sabotage)
  1. If you play the VFW’s dance and don’t feel you’ll connect with them. Just ask if they like the music you like and they should come around. (Violent Femmes – American Music)
  1. When the artist puts themselves in a cameo role it can be cool. Two cameo roles and a featured part are excessive. (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Into the Great Wide Open)
  1. Banned videos are often incredibly over hyped and not very cool (Madonna – Justify my Love)
  1. And sometimes they are damned cool. (Prodigy – Smack my Bitch Up)
  1. If you light someone on fire and have them run down the street in slow motion the end of the video becomes pointless (Wax – California)
  1. Some videos need a shot for shot parody and get it (Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit & Red Hot Chili Peppers – Give it away)
  1. And some never do (REM – Losing my Religion)
  1. Sometimes death is confusing, as well as marriage (Guns and Roses – November Rain)
  1. Singing a song about large posteriors whilst dancing upon one makes me question the current nobility (also it is awesome). (Sir Mix-a-lot – Baby got Back)
  1. Don’t believe urban legends. They aren’t the Olson Twins. (Nirvana – Heart-Shaped Box)
  1. If you are an outsider and search hard enough you’ll find a place where people are like you. (No Rain – Blind Melon)
  1. Videos that look like they were made by a bunch of suburban teens bored on a Saturday are cool only when you first see them and when watching them through nostalgic lenses. (Gin Blossoms – Hey Jealous, Green Day – Longview)
  1. Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean it has anything to do with that song… actually what is that song about? (Michael and Janet Jackson – Scream)
  1. Posthumous success and advancing technology can put a departed band member in a video as though they were stuck down and became more powerful than you can possibly imagine. (Sublime – Santeria)
  1. Yes ‘A Trip to the Moon’ was an awesome silent film (Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight)
  1. It may not be art blatant double entendres and make up that makes people look like toy cowboys but it should be. (Primus – Wionna’s Big Brown Beaver)
  1. Having a mostly female band play amongst a group of naked men is an example of gender equality. And sexual exploitation (Elastica – Connection)
  1. Happy Days is cool when you combine episodes and when Fonzie Dances (Weezer – Buddy Holly)
  1. It would be cool living in an old style Hollywood musical for a day or two. Week at the most. (Björk – It’s Oh So Quiet)
  1. Living in the suburbs could cause a black hole to form (Soundgarden – Blackhole Sun)
  1. Because variety shows don’t exist anymore (beside a couple like Sabado Gigante) musicians are forced to create their own (Dandy Warhols – Not if you were the Last Junkie on Earth, Squirrel Nut Zippers – Hell, Mike Flowers Pop Orchestra – Wonderwall)
  1. Some siblings have confusing relationships (Len – Steal my Sunshine)
  1. My elementary school had a really under funded drama program (Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm)
  1. Men’s restrooms are so much more disgusting than women’s. (No Doubt – Just a Girl)
  1. Despite getting instructions I never learned that damned dance (Will Smith – Men in Black)
  1. Guerilla Dance groups need to take themselves less seriously (Fatboy Slim – Praise You)
  1. Confusion is all down to perspective (Jamiroquai – Virtual Insanity)
  1. Planning is the trademark of a master criminal (Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing)
  1. Throwing someone to the sharks at an aquarium and then playing a song in front of the tank is not a good use of your time before the police arrive. (Duran Duran – Come Undone)
  1. PSAs would be more effective if they rocked. (Megadeth – 99 Ways to Die)
  1. Loading up the micro bus and going to the middle of nowhere is a good way to turn a week end into a month (Rusted Root – Send Me on My Way)
  1. If your buddy doesn’t take 2 as advice just chill and finish your soda (Blink 182 – Dammit)
  1. After how hotel rooms are portrayed any one who cleans them should be canonized. (Joan Osborne – St. Teresa)
  1. If they’re playing this I guess someone in the band died (Grateful Dead – Touch of Grey)
  1. Opening acts won’t have a problem if you just show up and steal their slot (Save Ferris – Come on Eileen)
  1. If I shave my head, get a black turtle neck, sit in the back seat and buy booze for a pack of teenagers I could easily make this a reality. (Smashing Pumpkins – 1979)
  1. With the right car and clothes everywhere you go becomes an old style dance party. (Fastball –The Way)
  1. Music videos are the new milk cartons (Soul Asylum – Runaway Train)
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