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Boychick don't you know you're only a pawn in all this?

They call it OSS but I always feel like Col. Gathers is near me when I work there. It’s a utility shift. Sitting around putting out fires, unlocking, locking, getting folks to do stuff and I hate it.

It’s odd because I like being a utility.

Maximum hanging out and minimum work but when you do work it tends to be interesting. The problem is there’s usually a variety of people to talk with, places to hide until needed and not sit in a small room with the boss who I do know well enough to know if doing that is acceptable.

My childhood dreams of being a janitor fulfilled.

My day began waiting for security. Not a favorite since I had to get keys and clock in with an automated system. No lying on my In time since the computer isn’t my friend nor understands I was delayed 10 minutes as security dealt with something. When I got the keys and into the venue I couldn’t log in.

I forgot my clock in password.

Since I don’t work for this venue much it’s nearly expected. You’d figure IT would be used to it but apparently not many people forget their logins. They’re all better people than me I suppose.  But IT sent me a new password which didn’t work and then a link to reset my password. The link didn’t work on the crew computer and even on the boss’s it gave an error towards the end.

Good Times.

Now this venue is odd. It’s a theatre but the internal doors are keyed to one of five keys. Often two doors next to each other take different keys. There’s hallway with a door at the each end which take different keys. Years of playing video games hardly prepared me for the frustration of needing to switch between keys just to walk the building. I just want to get to the green room but need the red key to open a door to get the blue key to move to an area to get the green key and only then can I go to the green

Like a terrible game of 'Let's make a Deal'

Now instead of colors it’s a vague letter and number system. No middle schlegg here. But a collection of keys and no indication of which one goes to which door and I’m not here enough to learn the hare brained system.

After the difficult task of unlocking I pulled a few lines for the client, sat at the light board and spaced out. No lie here I sat staring at it trying to figure out how to reassign a display which may not be reassignable. I have no idea but it gave me something to do and after I ate dinner I sat in the office researching it. The boss was gone so no questions were asked about my research and I didn’t need to fear another odd task.

Like finding an 8′ table or large sheets of paper or clearing the lobby or not complaining there’s no coffee in the building after 6 pm.

That’s another issue there’s no coffee in this building after 6 on a Wednesday. At 9:20am there was plenty of coffee, also at 2pm but at 6 nothing. Not a drop.

Isn’t this the Northwest?

I know a building that has 2 Starbuck stores and a Starbucks kiosk and across the street there’s a Tully’s. But at this place nothing. Not even a small jar of instant coffee.

The ones on On are Off and the ones on Off are On

The lack of coffee and coffee machines, the odd keying aside this theatre is weird. Like lock rail stage left weird, the orchestra pit has a door at one side that if you go through sets off an alarm. The floor can’t take paint and they refuse to paint it and they’ve got an A frame on a wagon they use instead of a man lift. Also there’s an elevator and we need to lock and unlock it but in this case to unlock it you have to turn the key to off and to lock it turn the key to on. It’s just wrong and the first couple times I did this shift I ended up leaving the elevator on because I assumed, stupidly, that off meant off.
Not some deluded, poorly laid out, bizarre switches where “off” means “on” and “on” means “what the fuck man? Get an electrician and rewire it. A proper one not me because I could do it but I’m not going to because if I fuck up your elevator I’m not going to be the one that shells out the money to get an elevator technician in to fix it.”


In short the day is: Clock in, unlock, hang out, answer questions, find things, lock up, clock out. Should be simple but when most of it is spent in this room doing next to nothing, trying to stay awake and not having much in the way of responsibility it’s really hard to be motivated. I was once told that during downtime I should fix things and I would have if there were things that were tagged and replacement parts to fix them. I also could have surfed the net but for fear of a key logger and spy software decided that wasn’t going to work and as for reading… ‘Cryptonomicon’ isn’t gripping enough for me. 12 hours and 10 tomorrow but none of it’s really that much fun or entertaining.
If the crew was different and the client better maybe it’d be more fun but it’s not and isn’t.
I think I need a drink just to deal with the boredom.

12 hours in this boring little box

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